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The 12 Steps Needed For Putting Craigslist Houston Cars And Trucks For Sale By Owner Into Action

A guy in Oklahoma is attractive to advertise his 1997 Jeep Cherokee for $1,750. It’s got 220,000 afar on it, you can’t abolish the crank stickers, he won’t acquire [ridiculously low amount], and insists that you adulation the Additional Amendment.

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As far as redneck Craigslist ads for age-old cars goes, this man’s column is a freakin’ masterpiece. It’s got all of your aloft aliment groups: antipathy for bodies who abrasion Adversity T-shirts and white Oakleys, lots of mentions of booze consumption, self-deprecating humor, and alike a Dickens reference. It’s basically what would accept happened if Rupert Holmes prefered off-roading and throwin’ aback bottles of Bud through a lip abounding of Skoal to piña coladas and accepting bent in the rain.

Read the column beneath in its absoluteness because this man formed abuse adamantine on his ad and it deserves to be seen. Also, if you’ve got $875 afire a aperture in your abridged and are chargeless this weekend, let’s hop a flight to Oklahoma and alley cruise back, yeah? I’ll accomplish a playlist, you can buy the Budweiser aback we get there. [Craigslist]

1997 Jeep Cherokee  (XJ)220K Miles4.0 L in-line 6 4WDAUTOMATIC Transmission Bright RedStraight StockCrank Windows, no cruise, no tilt, no adjournment wiper, no nonsensePOWER MIRRORS!  Woo Hoo!

$1750

Here’s the deal, kids:This is a Jeep Cherokee.  This is not a affluence SUV, or a maintenance-free disposable import.  It has solid advanced axles, wind noise, and character.It’s a Jeep.  It rides like a Jeep.  It drives like a Jeep.  All of these are GOOD things.It is not new, it is not pristine, it is used.  This will be credible in the pictures.

If you do not own a toolbox, accept never afflicted your own oil, and are afraid of firearms: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.If you accept been announcement on facebook all about how aflame you are for attic latte season: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.If you get affronted accessible and often, beef to your co-workers, and allegation a lot: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.If you feel you are owed annihilation in the apple & accept a babble job area you abort to produce: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.If you own a bieber album, white oakleys, adversity t-shirts, or those candy-assed stitched-pocket jeans: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.If you accede the 2nd Amendment an anachronistic antique and accept never endemic a firearm: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.

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If, however, you accept BALLS OF STEEL and accede adverse acclimate an alibi to do brainless shit: THIS IS YOUR JEEP.Do you beam at danger, and allure fate?  Have you anytime accurate the words, “Hold my beer and watch this …”?While apathetic at assignment do you aces targets at accidental and think, “I could hit that from actuality with the .22 …”?Have any of your accompany abdicate blind out because you were too abundant fun?Do you accept the cardinal of a acquaintance with banknote memorized for bail?When you canyon an alone flatbed acreage barter forth a fenceline do you accede demography on addition project?Is your ol’ adult absolutely ailing of the accidental bags of parts, anointed footprints, and abandoned beer bottles in the garage?    -could you not affliction less?Do you accept Jalopnik adored on your laptop AND smartphone?Do you own a account chiral for every agent you anytime owned?Do you still absence your aboriginal ride?Can you backpack on a two hour chat discussing tools, scars, and hi-lift jacks?Remember aback apparatus companies had the assurance to put half-naked adorableness queens on their calendars?Do you accede the Prius an abhorrent abuse to the Gods of displacement, torque, and All Mighty Internal Combustion?

If you answered in the acknowledging to the preceding: THIS IS YOUR JEEP.

DETAILS:-I am the additional owner.  Aboriginal buyer almost got it bedraggled and affianced the advanced axles once.-I accept remedied this boundless affectionate with addled anchorage and a accumulation of fun.-The motor uses a little oil.  How much?  I don’t know, I’m not accession statistical assay points.      I analysis the oil, I ample the oil, I drive.  Not abundant to bother me.  -It leaks a little oil.  How much?  Not abundant for me to care.  It has 220,000 miles, Poindexter!    If you accept a agent with 220K NOT aperture or afire oil, it’s empty!-Rear bonanza has a big-ass bulge in it.  I biconcave it abetment into a accurate pole.  Sober.    We collection abroad giggling, for the record.  Haven’t anchored it.-Driver’s ancillary aperture was bent by the wind, aerated forward, got into the LF division panel.-Radiator has a baby leak.  Pinhole.  I can alter the radiator or you can.  Absolutely doesn’t matter    A new radiator and hoses will run $145.  If you don’t appetite to alter them I will.      Add $250 to the bulk of vehicle.  This includes radiator, hoses, and activity (beer).  A freaking bargain.-The badass little 4.0L bullet-proof in-line six starts and runs like the accepted champ. -Tranny and 4WD accomplish perfectly -Tires will charge replaced in a brace thousand miles.  I haven’t upgraded because I had plans:    Had planned a baby lift, advancement to 17″ Wrangler wheels, and added advancing tires.    Life got in the way – it ain’t happening.  -Zombie stickers on the appropriate rear window stay.  My daughter’s idea, booty it up with her.-Flogging Molly sticker stays as well.  They bang ass, so there.  

QUESTIONS:-Why are you selling?    I can’t absolve owning it anymore.  Motorsickles, kiddos, work, travel, and beer accept captivated my time and money.    Someone abroad needs to acknowledge the Jeep for what it is:  alarming automated artistry.

-What’s amiss with it?    Radiator.  Baby oil leaks.  Driver’s ancillary aperture corrective issues.      And it’s pissed it has been alone and parked.  It needs rescued.

-Does the 4WD work?    Hell yes.  Like a Dickensian Orphan.  

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-Will you advertise me the [engine / tranny / rear aperture / arbor / etc.]?    No.  I’m not in the bear business.  Buy the Jeep.  Adulation the Jeep. Accord the Jeep a home.

-Will you booty [insert ridiculously brainless low cardinal here]?    No.  If I capital [ridiculously low number] I would accept asked [ridiculously low number]    Appetite a bargain car?  Get your kid that bargain tuner allotment of bits honda activity bottomward the road.      I anticipate I’m affluence bargain for this bad mofo.

-Why is it still stock?    Because I bought it for a circadian disciplinarian with the ambition of axis it into a project.    I haven’t had the time to do so.  So I am affairs it.

-Can I put a 6″ lift and behemothic tires on it?    I don’t accord a shit.  But be abiding to use affection apparatus and for God’s account – get it accumbent afterwards a lift!

-Would this accomplish a acceptable car for my daughter?    Hell.  Yes.  Not alone a acceptable car, a acquirements experience.  Introduction to vehicular maintenance.    Additionally, there isn’t absolutely abundant allowance in the aback for that little adulterated she’s dating to try anything.

-Can you deliver?    Within reason.  I’d drive it a hundred afar or so.  But really, you should appear get it.  Look it over.  Accept a beer.  Etc.

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-Will you booty a analysis / cashier’s analysis / Western Union Transfer / Nigerian Promissory Note?    Would you booty a brawl pein bang to the forehead?    No.  I’ll booty Cash.  Period.  Bring banknote or don’t show.

-Will you address to -?    No.  See above.

-No, really, all I accept is [lowball dollar amount]?    That’s great, I don’t accord a shit.  Unicef ain’t active this deal, and until they do I appetite $1750.      Why?  Because I don’t HAVE to advertise this little beauty.  Truth be known, I’d rather accumulate it.    But if it’s activity to a acceptable home – I will sell.  Unless you’re an asshole – again no sale.

-Why are you such a dick?    Everything is relative; you should see my friends.

Any added questions, feel chargeless to acknowledgment to this email and ask.

Published: October 11, 2013 — 11:08 AM EDT

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